You Swear It’s Different… But It’s the Same Love Story on Repeat

Jenise Justice
Jul 1
3 min read

Let’s be real.

You meet someone new, and it feels promising. They say all the right things. You start to relax. Maybe even let yourself hope again. But slowly… the same cracks show up: They go cold when things get close. You find yourself explaining your needs again—and not being heard. You feel like you're reliving the same breakup before the relationship is even over.

And deep down, there’s that whisper again: “Why does this keep happening to me?”

🧠 It’s Not Just Bad Luck. It’s Unfinished Business.

Here’s what most people don’t realize: You’re not choosing the same person on purpose. But your body and brain are trained to seek out what’s familiar—even if it’s painful.

It’s called emotional patterning. And unless we name it, it runs the show.

🤯 Your Brain Loves Familiar… Even When It Hurts

Your brain has a built-in filter called the Reticular Activating System. It helps you notice what matches your past. So if you grew up around hot-and-cold love, silence after conflict, or affection you had to earn, your nervous system learned to chase connection by working for it.

That’s why emotionally consistent people might feel “too much” or “too boring.”And the ones who pull away? Your body goes, “Ah yes… this feels like home.”

💬 Same Story, Different Face

This is why you might keep attracting:

People who don’t see you
Lovers who are hot one minute and cold the next
Partners who mirror old wounds more than future dreams

Even if you’ve grown…Even if you know better on the surface…There’s still a deeper part of you—often shaped in childhood—that’s calling the shots.

📚 Psychology Has a Name for This

It’s called the Imago, a theory by Dr. Harville Hendrix. Basically, you carry an unconscious blueprint of love, formed by your earliest caregivers. And your adult relationships often reflect it, sometimes in exact emotional tone.

Not because you want to suffer.But because your nervous system is trying to recreate what it didn’t get right the first time.

🧬 What the Science Says

Your subconscious makes 95% of your daily decisions
People are drawn to those who reflect their inner emotional blueprint 78% of the time
Your body mirrors emotional states of those around you, even toxic ones
And your personal energy field (yes, science-backed) may actually attract people who match your state

🔁 So, How Do You Stop the Cycle?

This is where transformation begins. Not by blaming yourself. Not by cutting everyone off. But by getting honest about the pattern, and gently rewiring it.

Here’s how:

1. Notice the Repeats

Write down your last 2–3 relationship patterns. Don’t just name what they did.

Ask: Who did I become in this relationship? What part of me was hoping they’d change?

2. Track Your Energy

Before a date or responding to a text, pause. Are you feeling grounded and whole, or lonely and looking to be chosen?

3. Check Your Body

Forget butterflies. Does your body feel tense, anxious, overly alert, or secretly drained after interacting? Sometimes your body knows long before your heart admits it.

🔮 Truth: It’s Not Fate. It’s a Feedback Loop.

You’re not broken. You’re patterned. You’re not unlovable. You just haven’t had love that felt like safety yet. And once you start choosing peace over performance…Once you start noticing who your nervous system calms down around…That’s when your love story changes.

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